listening to the remix version of "yaar bina chain kahaa re" at my friend's place,life should i say is good. all the uncertainty seems to be coming to an end. still i seek answers, will i ever get them!! it is quite possible that i have reached the age where having people around me does not take away the loneliness. i am sinking and nobody can see it, i really wanted to make my blog free of misery, hence have been avoiding, but i guess..failure is inevitable.
my mind is churning,thanks to all brain fibres i cannot weave into a coherent thought, m so lost. and what is worst is i do not even want to be found, for the very answers i am seeking, will i even like them.
my sheer arrogance surprises me, may be i expect too much from those around me, but i only want them to excel,i have to stop interfering,what i cannot control should not bother me. if only i loved a little less, or may if only my passion was reciprocated,,,too many ifs and buts...too much dissapointment....but thats all here...in the blogs, otherwise its all cool.
i am seldom so real anywhere else, my alterego is too dominant to allow my real self to surface, i just so wish to have my realism see daylight.
believer i am..still hope to be.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
n here i go again....
30 aug '08
lonavla....man!! y did i ever agree....disappointment of gigantic proportions.....it was so pathetically boring....n it wasn't supposed to be....all hopes crashed....all efforts in vain.......wont stretch o fret over dis....
it only takes a pillow 2 smooth it all....
then came d much needed escape....GOA.......12 sept'08
totally blissful...bj at his best....nova rides....d twisting roads n rain n beaches basking in glorious moonlight... pancakes n seafood pasta...we did it all....forever high.....bless d couple....glad 2 c them so com4rtable....
yet again....life seems 2 b on a never ending roller coaster ride....transitions....n newer acquaintances....lets c where dis all ends....
lonavla....man!! y did i ever agree....disappointment of gigantic proportions.....it was so pathetically boring....n it wasn't supposed to be....all hopes crashed....all efforts in vain.......wont stretch o fret over dis....
it only takes a pillow 2 smooth it all....
then came d much needed escape....GOA.......12 sept'08
totally blissful...bj at his best....nova rides....d twisting roads n rain n beaches basking in glorious moonlight... pancakes n seafood pasta...we did it all....forever high.....bless d couple....glad 2 c them so com4rtable....
yet again....life seems 2 b on a never ending roller coaster ride....transitions....n newer acquaintances....lets c where dis all ends....
last 8 days...................phew!
18 aug till 25 aug....
disastrous delhi....
lets just say karim's is d only thing that made us survive d 36 hrs we had 2 b der....city o thugs....they love 2 harass pple...d rickshaws hve no meter...the cabbies hve zero driving sense....the roads r eternally blockd...yeah i no d metros being constructd n all dat jazz...but u cant tolerate bullock carts in highway ya....the heat is ugly....n Mr.kishen shall rot in hell......baap o all chors...(he was d cabbie)
haridwaar....
so much 4r d holy ganga...one side o d bank...pple offering diyas n garlands...oder side kids poopin n uncles brushing....sadhus n sants thriving over d rich naive devoted fools....
hrishikesh....missd d shivpuri water sports re...
dehradoon...mussorie.....amazing.......but at dis point i was having an overdose o valleys....
agra....majestic taj....n the pethas....
mathura....hd d privilege of being der on janamashthami....22 crowded....but not grand as such...n definitely not convenient....3km of walkin without shoes n no phones...so if u lose dose around u...dnt bother lookin 4r dem...
rajdhani - bombay....finally home....yeaaaa
P.S. d last phase o d tour was as much a drag as dis post has been....
disastrous delhi....
lets just say karim's is d only thing that made us survive d 36 hrs we had 2 b der....city o thugs....they love 2 harass pple...d rickshaws hve no meter...the cabbies hve zero driving sense....the roads r eternally blockd...yeah i no d metros being constructd n all dat jazz...but u cant tolerate bullock carts in highway ya....the heat is ugly....n Mr.kishen shall rot in hell......baap o all chors...(he was d cabbie)
haridwaar....
so much 4r d holy ganga...one side o d bank...pple offering diyas n garlands...oder side kids poopin n uncles brushing....sadhus n sants thriving over d rich naive devoted fools....
hrishikesh....missd d shivpuri water sports re...
dehradoon...mussorie.....amazing.......but at dis point i was having an overdose o valleys....
agra....majestic taj....n the pethas....
mathura....hd d privilege of being der on janamashthami....22 crowded....but not grand as such...n definitely not convenient....3km of walkin without shoes n no phones...so if u lose dose around u...dnt bother lookin 4r dem...
rajdhani - bombay....finally home....yeaaaa
P.S. d last phase o d tour was as much a drag as dis post has been....
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
first 8 days.....valley of revelation
where was i....y did i go.....to escape....well if u ever wanna get some air....i suggest....kashmir....valley of flowers it truly is...but whole new meaning to the humanity is how i wud describe.......
we wnt der amidst all the peril possible...riots...curfew...bombings...militants n murders...the daunting prospect of spending 8 days….actually did not register until we were aboard our return flight…after doing it all …seeing it all………eating it all….to those who love meat….wazvan….god’s offering…
for the very sincerity of those people….obliged us to live life fullest….. never have I witnessed such loyalty….our butler…ghulam chacha wud hve given jeeves a good chase 4r his money….n the houseboat n shikara rides…truly majestic….rowing amongst d lotus beds….its hard to fathom people dying jst few miles away….
Yet fear did strike us…that was our 3rd night…it all gets very quite by 8pm…but dal lake’s pressing silence was torn apart by piercing cries n we cud hear azadi chants n thn came the deafening gun shots….all of this was happening on the road jst near to the lake….
It went on for 3 long hrs…..we waited….silence returned carrying a huge load of apprehension wid it… slept fitfully only to be up before dawn… scurried abt for our belongings…n were rushed onto the same road (kashmiris know damn well abt the oar!!)…n drove off…..our voice was 22 restraind 2 evn ask the location…
But salim bhaijaan (driver cum singer cum savior) saved us the trouble…off we went to sonamarg…..i cannot evn attempt putting into words….wat our eyes met…..it took a lot of effort to convince my mind and heart....that I cannot stay der forever…n have to go on……n on we went….at the crack of dawn….to gulmarg…..passing srinagar…. in ruins it lay…..stones blocking roads….charred tyres and banners…broken window panes…
Gulmarg …khillanmarg….offered it’s mystic beauty to us unrestrained…but we were the only tourist in der …locals stared unabashed ed scary again…..yet we left unscathed…..we were not allowed to see pahalgam which lied at the core of the issue… the disputed land at “baltal”.
Last day…We returned to dal lake…saw the mughal gardens…did some shopping & were escorted to the airport in a police van…
I dedicate dis blog to the people of Kashmir…they are as beautiful as the valley……god bless them..
Its pathetic to be an Indian…whn I know that I elect such unscrupulous leaders…who wud go on killing and raping innocent civilians for petty votes….and the irony of it all…we call them terrorists….
Monday, July 28, 2008
Holiday....
my college has for the sake of starting...started...from 21st....and wat d heck...its 28 n its still happy vacationing 4r me....well dis blog is about nothing..u c...i am doing nothing....how was my day today...haaa...hmm...quite the usual...
chhamiya came in the afternoon...so didnt sleep...m not sure if i said that in the right tone...but saw a good flick..."holiday"...very appropriate movie....abt few lonely losers finally striking gold in life...he he....
so let me just introduce a few relevant people in my life.....
chhamiya is he tallest member of my gang (of 4)....u might know her as Umul....n u can locate her in orkut for details....she is in every way...the only balanced head in our gang....rest all of us are very weird in very many ways....closest to her is sonu.....she is this cute little girl...absolutely everything save worldly wise....shes a bunny rabbit.....thn its ne.....shes the dhamaal kudi....party party n all party.....life of the gang....carefree n mast....n m the eccentric.....
i have had the most amazing yrs wid them...n our range of compatibility is mysteriously well spaced....
i and ummul....principles n ethics....n ofcourse movies n music....but shes this disciplinarian...n..me...hehehe....she barely dances.....i and ne.....we r freaks.....dance wild...act wild......scaringly outrageous.....but thn we dont think alike at all....shes a shopping maestro......n i hate shopping.....i and sonu.....well wat can i say...she could be my doppleganger......same habits...same insecurities....no1 understands me better.....but thats about it.....our tastes are diagonally opposite....she loves shopping.......n dances shy
so whn it comes to shopping...its sonu n neha......movies....me n ummul......n dancing...me and neha...n cleaning...neha and umul...clicking snaps....umul n sonu.....madness...all of us....hehe.....m left wid so many memories....
n we hve already started partying ways....ne is in singapore......sonu is in baroda....umul n i....still waiting to end up some place....
there is nothing in dis blog for any1 save me....for i may peruse it when again left all by myself......i still have these glorious people here.....how long...i wonder??
m scared...
chhamiya came in the afternoon...so didnt sleep...m not sure if i said that in the right tone...but saw a good flick..."holiday"...very appropriate movie....abt few lonely losers finally striking gold in life...he he....
so let me just introduce a few relevant people in my life.....
chhamiya is he tallest member of my gang (of 4)....u might know her as Umul....n u can locate her in orkut for details....she is in every way...the only balanced head in our gang....rest all of us are very weird in very many ways....closest to her is sonu.....she is this cute little girl...absolutely everything save worldly wise....shes a bunny rabbit.....thn its ne.....shes the dhamaal kudi....party party n all party.....life of the gang....carefree n mast....n m the eccentric.....
i have had the most amazing yrs wid them...n our range of compatibility is mysteriously well spaced....
i and ummul....principles n ethics....n ofcourse movies n music....but shes this disciplinarian...n..me...hehehe....she barely dances.....i and ne.....we r freaks.....dance wild...act wild......scaringly outrageous.....but thn we dont think alike at all....shes a shopping maestro......n i hate shopping.....i and sonu.....well wat can i say...she could be my doppleganger......same habits...same insecurities....no1 understands me better.....but thats about it.....our tastes are diagonally opposite....she loves shopping.......n dances shy
so whn it comes to shopping...its sonu n neha......movies....me n ummul......n dancing...me and neha...n cleaning...neha and umul...clicking snaps....umul n sonu.....madness...all of us....hehe.....m left wid so many memories....
n we hve already started partying ways....ne is in singapore......sonu is in baroda....umul n i....still waiting to end up some place....
there is nothing in dis blog for any1 save me....for i may peruse it when again left all by myself......i still have these glorious people here.....how long...i wonder??
m scared...
Thursday, July 24, 2008
m thru wid luv'
i started blogging because i felt it was a "cool" thing to do...i am certain now there is nothing so great about it...atleast not to the level at which i designated initially....choosing the title was itself so damn tedious...wont believe but i named my blog "inceptio nova" ....n it means a new beginning....no...i wasnt aware of the word...i looked it up in google....like i said i gave this whole concept far more importance then required.....
but now i guess the novelty has worn off.....so m gonna be lazy and easy....i dont think writing is my thing....reading is much easier....n also...its not assured if watever you r penning down...any1s gonna bother...
have come across gr8 bloggers though....my frnd bj 4r one......wat wud i do widout his madness....he scared the vipassana folks....who requested him to be outta der premises...hehe...
today happens to be my 22 birthday....n i did wat i love doing best.....absolutely nothing......just lying in my cosy bed...idling n dreaming all possible things....
if i start jotting my fantasies....m sure i can come up wid a gr8 soap.....but again...that wud be too tedious....
this will perhaps be my 1st blog wherein i aint pausing eternity or recheckin my paras...lookin for a better word...etcetera....finally...i care a damn....my usual practise was so far to jot down a brief outline in MS wrd...n thn elaborate n edit it ...n oh my goddd.....why did i have so much time...
and why dont i still continue doing so.....well being 22 must mean some thing....it doesnt....
but now i guess the novelty has worn off.....so m gonna be lazy and easy....i dont think writing is my thing....reading is much easier....n also...its not assured if watever you r penning down...any1s gonna bother...
have come across gr8 bloggers though....my frnd bj 4r one......wat wud i do widout his madness....he scared the vipassana folks....who requested him to be outta der premises...hehe...
today happens to be my 22 birthday....n i did wat i love doing best.....absolutely nothing......just lying in my cosy bed...idling n dreaming all possible things....
if i start jotting my fantasies....m sure i can come up wid a gr8 soap.....but again...that wud be too tedious....
this will perhaps be my 1st blog wherein i aint pausing eternity or recheckin my paras...lookin for a better word...etcetera....finally...i care a damn....my usual practise was so far to jot down a brief outline in MS wrd...n thn elaborate n edit it ...n oh my goddd.....why did i have so much time...
and why dont i still continue doing so.....well being 22 must mean some thing....it doesnt....
Monday, May 19, 2008
DOOMSDAY CONSPIRACY
pathetic...enclose this words in brackets, raising it to the 10,oooth power...further enclose this in another bracket n raise that to the nth power....
not sure even if dis quantifies my frustration.......m just too unsure about my coming days....each day i wait for the next....hoping for something to happen...now what that something is...thats yet another uncertainty....
i have my 8th semester exams in 3 days now....n i havnt flipped a page yet.....passing or getting a KT seems all so distant....doesnt dawn until the day of the results...n thats when i sulk a little more....
i have spend the last 2 yrs of my college liife...absolutely wasting my dad's penny....whn it comes 2 acads....fun is all that mattered....
that sounds good....but now now...not today...whn i know that i donot want to live my life like a moron cow....i want to have a flamboyant career....i feel like i could have done so much ...i chose to waste it all....
happy realisation....i still hve time...but the point is....to start something new....i have to end what i am into...for one thing i know....i am definitely not going 2 do what i have been trying 2 b able to do 4r d last 4 yrs......
horrible thing is i still have 2 whole years b4r this nightmare ends...n thats a long time...(m in this direct mtech thing which is taxin me 6 yrs).
the more i think the more it weighs on me...n whn i am enforced to gulp all d "knowledge"....which i will probably hate using......i cant help thinking n being more rebellious....
' its no use repenting.. ' is wat i know n what i get all d time...so wish to see the end of this....
stupid exams....here i come......
not sure even if dis quantifies my frustration.......m just too unsure about my coming days....each day i wait for the next....hoping for something to happen...now what that something is...thats yet another uncertainty....
i have my 8th semester exams in 3 days now....n i havnt flipped a page yet.....passing or getting a KT seems all so distant....doesnt dawn until the day of the results...n thats when i sulk a little more....
i have spend the last 2 yrs of my college liife...absolutely wasting my dad's penny....whn it comes 2 acads....fun is all that mattered....
that sounds good....but now now...not today...whn i know that i donot want to live my life like a moron cow....i want to have a flamboyant career....i feel like i could have done so much ...i chose to waste it all....
happy realisation....i still hve time...but the point is....to start something new....i have to end what i am into...for one thing i know....i am definitely not going 2 do what i have been trying 2 b able to do 4r d last 4 yrs......
horrible thing is i still have 2 whole years b4r this nightmare ends...n thats a long time...(m in this direct mtech thing which is taxin me 6 yrs).
the more i think the more it weighs on me...n whn i am enforced to gulp all d "knowledge"....which i will probably hate using......i cant help thinking n being more rebellious....
' its no use repenting.. ' is wat i know n what i get all d time...so wish to see the end of this....
stupid exams....here i come......
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