What's in my mind!

There are no wrong answers..only different opinions...such a cliché!


Religion is not an opinion...never an option as it's our first obligation..it's what you want over what I want...in this case...the "you" is referred to the stronger (hence the weaker) of the two who is responsible for our existence...


Those privileged few who mature enough to realize that there is as much difference in education and qualification as there is between land and water...see the difference between religion (What man says about god) and spiritualism (which is God! or in other words faith or in other words...human brain's most cunning and effective chain of thoughts ).


Religion is limited to region..has a specific ritual....code of conducts....doctrines ingrained in stone..which plebeian sect happily follow to be happy..to be in heaven...to avow their sins and seek redemption..


Religion is the product of some of the smartest brains on earth...I don't think the pioneers themselves realized how smart they were or are..Most effective crowd controlling measure...perfect line of defense..of imposing order...


Talk of the after life..picture the heaven and hell....and the meager minds swallow it all in...you can't seriously have the cops controlling 6 billion people!!! Think about it..most don't opt to murder bosses or wife's lover for the fear of prison but that of hell...Charity happens not for memorials and tax savings but again for heaven....Inventing religion was one heck of a smart move....served purpose for centuries and generations...for the goods as well as the bads...mold it...weave it...use and abuse it as you want...be it vatican or Al-qaeda or the Hindu poilical fanatics....all have enjoyed toying with this notion....


But again...some humans were cheeky and evaded the noose of religion by inventing spiritualism....that's being governed by one's own mind than by other's...Being governed by one's own mind is more like free reign of one's own ego....which usually deems other's as inferior...and hence obvious rejection of an imposition like religion....


Spiritualism is a finer measure of crowd control...It give the egotist, the sense of independence and still ensures the perfect running of the system...no glitch here....for an egotist wants to believe in self righteousness and is less susceptible to be vulnerable of social vandalism and seeks favorable critique....The spiritualists unite all gods and beliefs into a single power,the faith in one! Just faith, just a belief which is undivided and unbiased.


Spiritualism unites a larger segment of humans and all religious people are spiritual...however the converse can hardly be valid. So, is not the mind weaving a cocoon of comfort around the conscience perpetually? Or shall we call it the matrix which is designed not by any android but by us! 


Its easy to believe that some deity, some artifact or some mythical power is looking after us, caring and shielding us, will bring us good fortune. Simplest antidote of misery! Antidote concocted not by spirits or extracted of divine objects, it is the power of a very human mind!


To assume general civility as the only outcome of religion and spiritualism will be fatal as these two virtues have often been the seed of most brutal evils. Fanatics weave the mind's control is most conniving schemes thereby convincing self of immature beliefs. Point of consideration is again the mind!


Another simile can be drawn here for those who believe themselves to be agnostics or atheists. Former confused over divinity and the latter contradicts it. Fair enough for the mind designs them differently. Mind juxtaposes the entity of divinity (usually reserved for the more plebeian )with an overtly generous assertions of self confidence and a boisterous ego. For these, either god is an uncertainty or a bogus entity. Its their own judgement, their own sense of realism or in other words, their own mind!!


Truly united and liberated shall we be when we have a temple, a mosque, a church and a gallery of the intellectuals worshiping, hailing, endeavoring to fathom the intricacies of the MIND!

In love,,,

With my feet! and more....

Feet often goes unnoticed, always taken for granted, feet have feelings too..you know! And i reciprocate their emotion....mine are kinda tiny... cutesie..cudly feet....and i just realized how much i adore them....but i am not writing about reflexology or podiatry...

As of now....i am 24 years and 2 day old (ahem!)...last week has been a blur of events...my girl...driving...and more than that....smiling....laughing......crying....whole again...i feel....to be a part of her very life....for however brief a moment....its where i belong....where i am secured....without fear of trespassing......Should i also note...my own driving skill seems to have sustained the abstinence pretty well..

Birthday came and went....what stayed back?

Walking almost 4 km....on a cloud leaden...nigh midnight.....side by side a man...nah! a boy....still and forever.....a friend.....thoughtless...clueless..just walking......waiting for the showers to drench us...and then cursing the obvious....and laughing.....realized what stayed back....years stayed back...and with it... all the memories....and the essence of togetherness..... friendship....its here....its not growing old....its not withering....its not fading....

Its alright when we don't meet for days...and in my case...months...didn't matter.....nothing changed....Don't mind more birthdays....won't regret another passing year....just want my walking shoes next year same time...and hope to remember....shouldn't wear my favorite beads....and especially not as an anklet....

I love ma feet....and.....

Time...

Floyd's....this note is not about music though....just that this track began right while i was contemplating a title for what i am about to pen (rather post) next.... Pasting the lyrics may well accomplish my intent for this blog...but plagiarism is already conflicting with my satisfaction over the start!

So here i am....in void....into the unseen oblivion...I finally did QUIT...always knowing that only the under-privileged or incompetant fear unemployment...

My boisterous ego tells me i am neither....but i may well miss the starting gun...unless told when to run...

If quitting without an offer in hand seems foolhardy, exercising an immediate vacation on yaari..dosti and full on udhari...must seem very much "Debashree"...

Seeking pebbles in the singing brooks arising in himalayas...when i should be seeking a job...Past ten days have all been about wants and needs and haves and have nots...retrospection and speculation....and trying to escape the chaos ....reach the blissful barren base of Leh....

The last was however defying gods good will...We were not supposed to go beyond the line of vegetation....it was so obvious a dictate...the signs....

-Delhi bandh, the day we reached....circuit house not booked...cloths soaked....incessant rains in manali....land slides in spitti.....changed plans still....keylong and sarchu perhaps....but..Rambo's(our pre-booked vehicle) no. switched off...again hired scorpio......car window jammed.... the one dry day we get to leave for rohtang....stuck for 14 hrs just 1 km away from the pass...

We never reached our destination....never saw the arid landscapes....or the monasteries...never played in the snow...True, didn't do a thing as planned..And I was genuinely happy....despite all the mishaps....

The insipidity of norms revealed....the need to adhere to a set of ground rules fictioned...some say... happiness is a state of mind....I say... having a liberal.. unshackled ..mind..... is happiness!

Finding  my way back home being away from home......being my true self.....realizing the arrogance of my isolation...those long walks in the snaking valley side by side a friend...without needing speech...the silence of the attachment we have...overwhelmed...humbled....

Unknowingly...unwittingly....but deliberately...ensconced in a world of my own....away from all my known...my desperation for independence blinded me...for better or worse?...still confounded!!

Independence cannot be the act of physical seclusion...I now know....It must be the mind then....to be confined within all my obligations and still fly high...to acquiesce all ...and be happy.....

Rather pretend to be happy....there...i am a rat in the race....a mask instead of a face.....

PS. should always listen to the wise old monk.....

Super-cali-fragilistic-expialidocious.......

Or not.

When life does wonders...is my most beloved album. These photos bring back the memories which I still believe to be figments of my imagination. Now four months into my new solitary independent life in indore..far far away from my home.... .mumbai, things seem different.

I wish to understand love for it seems to be one of the most complicated emotions I have ever encountered. I think it all began with me being tired of seeing all my best friends taken one after the other.

No one is in state of absolute satisfaction yet they all pretend to have great fun. I very much doubt if there can be any one who would actually qualify to be over my family and friends! Being independent is something I have always cherished. But no one ever told me, that independence brings along with it too many unwanted guests. Foremost among them, compromise. Wish I could phrase my inner conundrum more efficiently.

I had been warned that my decision to re-locate will lead me to absolute emotional wreckage. I defied, trusted my bravado, and now I guess I am failing. Not attending family gatherings, betraying friends in their most cherished occasions, staying alone, claiming blissful happiness, I am sick of the charade.

My options are wide open, all I have to do is QUIT.

And then sit at truly lovely home and be a part of all that i have missed so far, and again, be the best daughter, the sister, the friend.....and......... be.....just another daughter, another sister....another friend.....and someday.....another wife...and on and on....lost in the multitude of beings......blissful oblivion....

I came here to be just me.....god!! how difficult can it be.....

From the album: When life does wonders

Selfish

The joy of writing surpasses all else..... My mind walks naked on a single sheet of paper....today i write about my new found liberty...somehow ....its such a bliss being independent....even the small small decisions that i have to take give me so much pleasure.....which phenyl to buy....what color mop....which brand of cooking oil.....i decide what i do...and i love what i do.....it goes without saying that we love our parents indefinitely.....but unfortunately they have a habit of clinging to us....of shackling us.....and i feel i have escaped those bonds......but its kinda mixed feelings you know.....some times these same bonds give a sense of extreme security as well....to know someone is there to guide you if you are lost.....some one who wont allow you to fall....

It's a challenge everyday....till now i am winning....the day i lose will be the day i seek my old home.... is it wrong for me to say i dont want that day to come??....i dont wanna lose..i done want some1 else's home as mine....

Not my dad's... nor brothers.....nor any other man's.....i want to build my own nest.......and knowing that i will not be allowed to...this abyss of uncertainty haunts me so....may be i wont be able to...but the latter is a thought i have not yet dared delve into.....i yet do not want to fail.....

i love u and all else....but have always realized one thing....the one person i love above all is myself....its a simple unblemished fact......

Selfish?......yes i am....and i choose to live this way....for i am happy.

Solitude

Years of solitude has blurred my heart. I can barely decipher what it asks! Emotions so convoluted... suffocating sanity, it is better i stay this way for eternity.

For revival may bring some unknown destiny... for which i am so not ready, another step into the oblivion shall I believe... show me reason.

It is reason which i so dearly seek, nothing matters now and that makes me weep. Tears console my heart of still being alive.. but how long will it survive?

Being in prison is so plebeian but the realization is not, for each individual is a creature of habit and the habit of pain is again so plebeian

Essence of freedom... fragrance of life... living for a reason.. right to stand upright. Who is it that i should follow? Or should i just tread on my own? Not knowing what my mind needs or heart desires, this lonesome path I so loath.

A companion to walk with, a friend who makes me laugh, I trust my destiny for I know it to be real, I so await your blissful arrival...

Being employed

Food is aphrodisiac. I have held on to this notion for as long as i can remember. So it really meant a deal when i saw a platter of "not so bad" sandwich and heavenly delightful kesar ras-malai right in front of my work station.

At precisely 7 pm I shall be completing my 1st week of employment. The past 6 days are a little blur for the rate of transition has been explicitly high.

From being a pampered guest at my cousin's residence to being couped in a remote and desolated hotel and still further being absolute homeless and stranded till being rescued by a shrewd Sardarni and then given refuge by a teacher in her beautiful but under-renovation hence filthy home, one thing is certain, my first three days were seldom devoid of action and adventure.

Transitions are inevitable but why? Is inertia really so monotonous? I was never very good at physics then why is my opening sentence so obsessed with physics? My mind is so full of queries lately. what am i doing here? why am i not home? do i really have to work? will i be a competent employee? Are these thoughts common to all fresh graduates(in my case post - graduates)?

My life suddenly seems so defined. Work - sleep - work - sleep - work - sleep.

I sit here in my workstation knowing that my family is missing me while enjoying the pre-Diwali perks, wondering what it is that i really regret? Quantifying home sickness is so not possible. Also making this blog cheerful seems gargantuan still will try.

One reason for not quitting it all, nice guys around. i am desperately trying to think of another reason. Earning a living suddenly isn't a matter of pride any more, rather be daddy's darling than Ms.Independent.

All in all i shall survive.