A blunderer's guide to spending a miserable night @ the international airport

Cast -

Fool 1, Fool 2, Fool 3, The Jet Officials ( International airport), The blessed Lads, The Stressed Mirchandanis, Santosh & Aditi - employees of India Tourism, Staff of hotel Solitaire, Boys, The Jet Guy, My Travel agent, The jet Officials (domestic booking counter), The Air India Officials & the stars*

Act 1 - The glory of 1st international vacation

Time: 2 years back. It all began the day our best friend Miss Lad went to Singapore. Our dreams were endless, but all seemed vaguely distant. we were 21 and above all girls. Will parents agree? Are they crazy! well...I guess they were....all parents are crazy if you believe me. so after 2 years of waiting, finally all 3 of us got the green signal to proceed.

Time: 3 months back. So now the planning begans, First, the passports, too many things were depended on getting all the passports done, But the most important element was an NRI eligible bachelor...who came right on time. Its not for you to understand why our passports depended on him. Life acts in mysterious ways. SO there he was and so were all our passports...ready to be stamped.

Secondly, Air tickets. We truly believe lady luck our best mate for Times Of India advertises Singapore airlines return fare from mumbai for only 11,500/- This put to rest all the mad options we were considering viz. taking bus/train 2 bangalore/chennai and flying tiger airlines etc. But fate had us booked in Jet. ALas! I shall fly in singapore airlines soon I promise.

Visa went in smoothly and our travel date was 13th august!! never shall i forget this obnoxious date.

Time: 6 pm, 13th August. All ready to leave, parents hugging and kissing us, daddys waiting on us till we clear the immigration and we move in smoothly and call our parents and tell them all is well. We finally see the Mumbai international airport. Time is 9 pm. Point to be noted. Every formality complete and all we have to do now is board the jet flight scheduled at 11.30. We have 2 and half hours to kill.

Act 2 - We miss the flight!!!!!!!

Why? we were too busy. Mumbai international airport is extremely intriguing. So many food stalls, brand outlets, wine stores, and best thing our phones still had range. so there were too many people to share this mind blowing experience with. Plus there were nature's calls to answer. Having idled as much as is possible, we decide to board the flight and move to the final counter and get on the air bus which was to take us to our aircraft.

Time: 11.15 pm. But as fools, after all this entire while, we re-check our documents in the bus only to realize we are missing a Visa. Well,it was only a piece of paper yaar, E-visa thing. How is it that when we were literally killing 2 hours, not once it occurred that we should check our documents and only in the bus!! Mind works in mysterious ways.

Now what...we get down and being fools, tell the jet officials about the missing visa. he ofcourse makes a mammoth deal of this and gives us 10 mins to get visa back or ........

Of all the fools, only i have excess weight, so i decide to wait while the 2 lean fools ran for their life all the way back 2 the main entrance in hope of finding the document. As i waited, time passed and the flight took off. And i waited. As i saw them coming back, with barely any breath left, i realized they both were smiling. The lost document was found.It had fallen down near the immigration counter.

The horror dawned on them as well. WE MISSED THE FLIGHT! For some reason, there was no energy in me to fight back.. to plead the officials to hold the aircraft..As it didnt seem fair, we blundered. one, we should have checked our documents and second, we should have just continued once we were on the bus, coz the visa was issued so there would not be any hassle. What happened had to happen.

Act 3 - The Blessed and the Stressed

Time: 00.30 am, 14th August. Our first job after this rude shock was to call the lads in Singapore. Aunty Lad, whom we'll refer to as Ladliji henceforth for she is a darling, did wonders that night. Its difficult to write all details for emotions so varied can hardly be expressed by an amateur writer like me.

Just a few pointers, when we called Ladliji, it was nearly 3 am @ her place (singapore)- middle of the week. Regardless, she was up the whole night. Her contacts allowed us smooth passage through another round of formalities which got our immigration to Singapore cancelled. Sniff! This was possible bcoz ladliji asked Santosh to be our guide. While we waited for our baggage, The mirchandanis called, all worried and oh boy! how we wished them to be all comforted. Its a fact we were in the doldrums of misery, especially Fool 1 whose visa went for a toss, but this was no reason to keep all these good people traumatized. But my god knows, hearing the mirchandanis was so much of a relief, for none of us had called home and they were the only people in mumbai who knew our fate.

Act 4 - The Stars*

Time: 2.00 am. Remember i said all happened that had to happen. Well Fool 1 shows no signs of recovery, guilt and pain over coming common sense that it could be any of us, so it was on Shilpa shetty to revive her. Yes! 2 am, international airport - she walks in like a fairy wearing a mask (2 in 1 utility - swine flu guard and anonymity. Fool 1's first line after 2 hrs of morbid silence "nice ass she got!"

Now if i tell you that next it was Shah Rukh khan and he smiled and waved @ us, and we gave him flying kisses which he RETURNED!! you will take this whole blog for a brag. So i'll continue, Diya Mirza hugged SRK and then passed by and the next morning it was Nana Patekar's turn to stamp it in us that all this was god's doing.

Act 5 - Solitaire Hotel & the Boys

Time: 4 am. Santosh took us to this lavish place in andheri and put us in a Double bed Ac room, Ladliji arranged the whole complimentary stay. NOW WHAT? We missed our cheap tickets!! Do we get any refund! are we going home?? DO we fly 2moro?? Our Two gorgeous friends Akshay and Arul were next in line to hear the whole drama. Due to lack of internet access, flight booking had to be through them. After many attempts of convincing them that this is not some devilish prank (esp. akshay who wudnt stop laughing... grhh!!) they tell us that all flights range between Rs.18,000 to 25, 000. We again ask santosh to book the lowest viz Rs.18,000 (Air India Alas!) and sleep knowing that we are entirely broke. Time 6 am.

Act 6 - Ladlijis yet another early chritmas gift & my agents extra helpfulness

Time: 9 am. Biggest act of blunder. Calling my agent, asking him to email the visa documents incase we lose it again. He empathizes and assures the needful will be done.

Ladliji calls and tells us that we can re-use our jet tickets!!!!!!!! Telling you, she is a diva! She asked a kind Jet guy to sort us out. I rush to the domestic jet counter and know all is fine, for we just lose a day and that is okk, we are still going but!!! Our old tickets show "refunded".

My dear agent (i truly appreciate his concern but can't help being mad @ him) felt it his duty to ensure us the money from the airlines ASAP as we had already missed the flight! so along with mailing me the visa, he got the tickets refunded coz all it took was a mouse click! So there...Ladliji's and the Jet Guy's (i know him to be an excellent photographer) efforts went in vain, but will always be wow'd.

At the domestic counter of jet, while my agent and the booking officers of jet were figuring if there is any procedure to cancel the refunded status of our tickets or issue same fare tickets again, another of ladlijis kind associate, Aditi was by our side holding the Air India tickets for us.

Time: 4 pm Finally we took that and paid Rs.54,000 again. But now we were certain, let hell hath fury, we shall board this flight.

Act 7 - If all this wasn't enough.

Time: 6.30 pm, 14th august. We call at the reception of solitaire hotel to confirm our checking out. He sends a bearer with a of Rs.7000/- Another session of frantic phone calls and after an hour we pay Rs.700/- and leave. There was no printing error in the bill, mind you. Only the food and phone call was charged to something of Rs.640 which we rounded. Rs.40 tip. Miss lad will definitely hang us after knowing this. But dear, it was excruciatingly tight situation.

Act 8 - Final Blunder

We take off that night and finally meet the Lads and call the Mirchandanis and the Boys. Uncle Lad couldn't stop clicking with his camera as we coudn't stop posing. In all the excitement Fool 2 grabbed some someone else's bag and merrily walks out.

Uncle Lad, Ladliji, Miss Lad, Jyotsna Moushi and We three fools were the merry messers of 7, Sarkies rd that night.

Time: Endless.

SPECIAL CREDITS

Anandji and friends plus chinkis

Travel and living...

It is now as nearer to reality as it can ever get, i truly did not believe that our most magnanimous dream trip will truly be realized, but here i am, all tickets n visa formalities done. GOD, i love my parents.

The issue is not about Singapore-Malaysia being international destinations. The very fact that all of us belonging to quintessential middle class conventional families are allowed to undertake such an adventure all by ourselves is truly gonnna take an eternity to sink in.

Adventure i call it. Too much anticipation dwells in my mind. 10 days of absolute bliss with my best friends, the liberty....the life!!


I live in bombay and this is the most exquisite destination for pleasure, with nature being so graciously generous. My retirement home is GOA, where at the age of 50 i'l have a beautiful beach shack playing the best romantic songs of all time, and gorgeous couples twirling the tango! While me wearing a huge straw hat will tease my elegant bartender and ensure the culinary genuius of my chef the talk of the town.


At 23 years and 10 days of age, i am taking a note of all the places that i have been to and have not been to as of yet.


Lonavla,Igatpuri,Diu-Daman,Matheran,Mahabaleshwar,Pune,Aurangabad,Nashik, Shirdi, Chittodgarh and udaipur & baroda i suppose surmises the west zone.East is restricted to Kolkata (Shantiniketan and chakda my all time fav), Puri, Tatanagar,Ghatsila. South trip has taken me to ooty,mysore,coimbatire,bangalore and hyderabad. North is my all time fav. with the gorgeous kashmir followed by delhi, agra, mathura, hrishikesh & haridwar lastly, nainital.

Yet i have a long list, northeast, leh ladakh, rajasthan and kerela,and the nittie crities of rural india and the world. Will happen i know...some day..i will have seen it all done it all

post M tech...

it all began the day my course ended. A new dawn, freedom and freaking out. The night at jolus place with endless raunchy music, late realization that choli ke peeche and sar kai lo khatiya and dhinchak govinda songs can be so much more happening then the usual hiphop beats, when its rum and coke...all is glorious...

being 23 again has its perks, especially if one is entitled to a lot of adventures, being to juhu with mom and dad after so so so many years, eaating thikha pav bhaji with dad!!

birthday cakes and lunches and dinners and the most expensive dal and roti sabji in uran beach...all seems so blissful.

Even more so as in few days, my 1st ever international vacation with my sweethearts will come true. Singapore-malaysia madness will be detailed in my future blogs, but its all so magical.

Will it last, i so do not see myself as a plebeian nine to five person, yet before that i have to stand in Qs with my resume!!

All will happen in due time, for now...i may be far far away from all religion, but i am very close to god.. for he has me in full view of his mercy and i cannot thank him enough. My gods gift to me are my parents. Bless you all

bullshit...

boredom more than often leads one to utter depths of nonsensical activities of which taking an IQ test online probably wins d gold.

this however has lead me to a revelation that i have a 160+ IQ, as good as Einstien's...i always knew that, here is a certificate...

now thats what i call bull shit...infact lets raise the abuse to the nth power and end this issue here.

full stop..Ph.D...NEVER!!!!

Never realized how lovely this tinsy winsy little dot looks at the end. Especially at the end of a hugely crazy piece of script which no one's ever gonna bother about. Done with my thesis man!So done...

Especially after like having indefinite number of drafts being named and renamed ingeniously from the 1st one simply saved as "done" and then followed by "finally done", "final at last", "hopefully final", "finally final", "fucking final"...the actual word file that got printed didn't have any such lucrative tags and it's mundane title "New Microsoft Office Word Document (1).docx" simply sounded divine.. the final dot, the end of it all.

Why did a simple "cut copy paste" funda get so freaky i still don't no...my memory refuses to delve back into those 5 sleepless days and nights. irony of it all....reading and re-reading and endless proof-reading still didn't allow us a thesis even close enough to being perfect...i shudn't be using the reference of perfection....our cover page title was messed...hehe

all in all....this entire fiasco just re-directed my future prospects....n i aint kidding....no more thesis ever......so no more Ph.D...that's that....

so what's next...done with submissions....presentations scheduled....got a job... (lousy) i know...and bookin tickets for singapore!!!!!! i want to end this blog with a full stop, so here goes.

freaky Chakra...

Sunday again.....where was i last sunday?? on my way back home....after 10 whole days of intense retrospection....This sunday, i am back to square one.... Yet again, what is square one for me...it'l be more prudent to be back in the CIRCLE, which hasn't got any designated ones and tens, thankfully!

Frankly speaking, i dont have the slightest idea of what the following words are going to be. When i can think of doing something better, perhaps i'll stop typing.

I just thought of sleeping....great!

today....last vipassana day

actually yesterday ie, for its 12.15 am now.....umm...lets ignore the 15 mins and its still today!

was the 11 th day of my 1st ever vipassana experience....the day i was released and have realized the actual depths of the term stone-buttedness.

9 days are really long. The 10th day....we TALK!! and even better if possible, are spoken to. What a feeling! I have actually passed 300 people every day without even smiling at most of them. I am compelled to use the term "most of them" as some were like me, who were meant to be of a little loose character and smiled and i was perhaps the most baggiest for i even whispered thrice(i think )with my room mate, and she was a complete sky bag for one night she hogged on CHIPS!!! She was my anchor to sanity.

But after completion of this whole "have yet to concoct an adjective for no existing ones can satiate me" experience, my still fragile and jittery mind is certain of a second, third, fourth and so on helpings coz BOSS! it works.

1stly,i have never laughed so much, absolute hysteria and without any material stimulus, its freaking fantabulous..2ndly, UMUL got engaged!!!!! 10 days back there wasn't even a guy in realm and she is ENGAGED!! Gods must be crazy. You want to bless, fine, but there HAS to be some limit. Giving me my tiara, my longing of last 18 months for mere span of 10 days of doing nothing! truly gods are crazy.

That was the 1st piece of news that reached me on day 10th, after the noble silence mandate was revoked. Then slowly and steadily we were ensnared. People I just noticed prior on were my best mates faster then i blinked. Day 10 ended at 2 AM, after relishing well preserved khakras and biscuits, sneaking past all the sevikas and gurujis, exploring all the possible kopchas which can house our ever expanding gang, amidst all the nocturnal creeps, and best of all with music & gossip. What a way to close the book!

My day 11, is ending here in this page, few highlights of this day.

From Igatputi to Vashi.

We boarded a train crazily crowded knowing fully well it'l stop at our required station "thane" only to know we were wrong and we ended up STANDING for 2 hours being pushed and stamped and abused only to alights at "Kalyan" during peak traffic hours. Obvious, had to board another train back to "thane" facing even better reception in an even fuller bogie if possible.

Thane to Vashi (my home town) ride was fortunately devoid of all adventures.

My mom.

She made chicken, prawns, paneer and kheer!! food is a mighty aphrodisiac. Moms are gods best friends, gods are crazy. i am so sorry mom i hurt you so often.

Dad. IN kOLKATA AND GOING CRAZY. He finally heard my voice. My voice is the sweetest.

My sermons. Suffice to say i stripped my memory naked.

Sonu. My sonu.

Umul's gift. Truly oblighed to all the staff of FOTOLITE (center one) who edited the pics,printed them, cropped them to fit the frame, packed the frame, gift wrapped it twice, all in 15 minutes and above all, tolerated my mania. bless all.

Umul's fiance. 9/10. the jeans yaar!! thats all.

Umul. My UMUL. umul GOT ENGAGED!!

Home again!! and GOD ARE YOU CRAZY!! AVINASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God you are sooo not sane. please i request you to now stop being so nice to me. i want to believe in misery. Avi was so so so so sweet. What timing!

Neha. i miss you. Piu, thanks for hearing me, GOd you rock. Goenkaji. thanks a ton.

to all, BHAVATU SABYA MANGALAM.

P.S. Please suggest synonyms for "crazy" and i mean the punctuations, esp. (!)