So yes, I thought I would go on cooking forever and was very very excited for the first 2 months of my new life in US...away from India. My shiny new vessels, my own grocery shopping and picking up the choicest of proteins & colorful veggies.
It has come to a very peaceful & silent death. I did not even realize what happened or when. Last I cooked was 5 days back... some daal.. and I eat it bit by bit .... not a care in the world of what it tastes like .... I have been out dining so frequently past few days, meat loafs and bacon beef sliders and shrimps ... my university dining is indeed very good at least for a red meat crazy Indian like me... but none of it has made it to my FB wall. Seriously find the facebook "delete profile" option very tempting these days.
These days... what has happened in these days. Work has increased yes, and I enjoy the work yes. Weather has improved a lot ..true. i found good music place... evenings and weekends are pleasant... no dearth of me time no more... its all me now... Perspectives have changed a lot. I am not a person who should stay away from family. I have not done it in 28 years. This should have been reason enough to realize that perhaps this was not such a great idea.
We do get told, beware of what you wish for wishes do come true and it is not as you want it to be or the best for you. Such wise words are never accepted. I wished for Bidesh. I fought for it. Slogged so hard for this life. To what do I owe this life.... Coming home to empty walls. Skype conversations.
This too shall pass. I will soon have my family here. Soon be happy for having people who would become my life. I cant stop wanting from life. I get one thing, I need the next. Yes, I am happy as long as I am out of my home. But when I am back... there is no home.
There are no more conversations. No more laughs or worries or tragedies. No more late night bike rides. No more of so many things. There is no me. There is no home. I dont know what I come back to. Welcome to the united states of America. A land of dreams ... i dont dream no more...
It has come to a very peaceful & silent death. I did not even realize what happened or when. Last I cooked was 5 days back... some daal.. and I eat it bit by bit .... not a care in the world of what it tastes like .... I have been out dining so frequently past few days, meat loafs and bacon beef sliders and shrimps ... my university dining is indeed very good at least for a red meat crazy Indian like me... but none of it has made it to my FB wall. Seriously find the facebook "delete profile" option very tempting these days.
These days... what has happened in these days. Work has increased yes, and I enjoy the work yes. Weather has improved a lot ..true. i found good music place... evenings and weekends are pleasant... no dearth of me time no more... its all me now... Perspectives have changed a lot. I am not a person who should stay away from family. I have not done it in 28 years. This should have been reason enough to realize that perhaps this was not such a great idea.
We do get told, beware of what you wish for wishes do come true and it is not as you want it to be or the best for you. Such wise words are never accepted. I wished for Bidesh. I fought for it. Slogged so hard for this life. To what do I owe this life.... Coming home to empty walls. Skype conversations.
This too shall pass. I will soon have my family here. Soon be happy for having people who would become my life. I cant stop wanting from life. I get one thing, I need the next. Yes, I am happy as long as I am out of my home. But when I am back... there is no home.
There are no more conversations. No more laughs or worries or tragedies. No more late night bike rides. No more of so many things. There is no me. There is no home. I dont know what I come back to. Welcome to the united states of America. A land of dreams ... i dont dream no more...
