[Oct 4, 2015, 8:03 PM] - Written long ago, perhaps was too scared of the world to post it then.
Today, I am successful.
I have it all. I care not.
I question freely everything the world believes ..
Infidelity
I fell in love when I was 19 with a guy in high school. He never loved me back though. I am still convinced, I love him and it's 10 years since. I am acquainted with him now and Was foolish enough to tell him about my feelings. Now I am friends with his wife and sometimes I speak to him on different pretexts. He still makes me smile without any efforts.
I have since then ..met more men, enjoyed toying with them. Broken few hearts ... Have also been hurt myself in this process. Another friend of mine .. Is getting married very soon and I am again convinced I love him. So it hurts. But then I ask myself, if I am given a wish to have all I want, would i want a life with him?
The answer scares me. The answer is no. I am not so much in love with anyone yet to not explore love more. There are these intense moments of need and all my energy is focused on this one being... One man...And either I live it or I allow it to wither.. But then, I move on.
Have I thought of other man when i was with one, yes. Does it mean that I did not love him enough... I loved him at that moment .. But that is my reality ... It is all in the moment ... I am doing that now... At this very moment ... I love you...and we cherish our minds ... Our bodies ...our talks range from stars in the sky to the bees in the garden ...and we dance and sing and we wake up together .. Brew our coffee and share breakfast... And then we kiss good bye ... Until next time .. If ever there is a next time ... Who knows ... This moment is true .. But promises are not a part of it ... A wanderer .. An explorer... A heartbreaker ... A rebel... A seeker ... A lover ...
I know this that my love is true ... It is selfless and all giving ... It is infinite .. Just ..there are no demands I make of you ... Apart from your free will of being here with me... Knowing ... I might not be with you any more than this moment of truth... My love is not confined ... It is free and soars high above rules ... When I am in you .. And you are in me... Do we really think of anything that is untrue .. Do we realize of an existence of a society .. And do we feel compelled to give names to our feelings ... Can we think at all .. I don't really recall any thought ... It all seems to be a blurry vision of infinite happiness .. If happiness could be seen at all... Yet .. I go through this condemnation... This dark alley ... Where I am branded as being cruel ... I understand my walking a path unknown ... Unsure of destination.. Insecure....But I never asked for comforts ... And I don't wish for labels ... Why then what my mind rejoices in and my body is ecstatic about and it is all but pleasure and generosity... Why do you tell me it is ... Infidelity..
