Solitude

Years of solitude has blurred my heart. I can barely decipher what it asks! Emotions so convoluted... suffocating sanity, it is better i stay this way for eternity.

For revival may bring some unknown destiny... for which i am so not ready, another step into the oblivion shall I believe... show me reason.

It is reason which i so dearly seek, nothing matters now and that makes me weep. Tears console my heart of still being alive.. but how long will it survive?

Being in prison is so plebeian but the realization is not, for each individual is a creature of habit and the habit of pain is again so plebeian

Essence of freedom... fragrance of life... living for a reason.. right to stand upright. Who is it that i should follow? Or should i just tread on my own? Not knowing what my mind needs or heart desires, this lonesome path I so loath.

A companion to walk with, a friend who makes me laugh, I trust my destiny for I know it to be real, I so await your blissful arrival...

Being employed

Food is aphrodisiac. I have held on to this notion for as long as i can remember. So it really meant a deal when i saw a platter of "not so bad" sandwich and heavenly delightful kesar ras-malai right in front of my work station.

At precisely 7 pm I shall be completing my 1st week of employment. The past 6 days are a little blur for the rate of transition has been explicitly high.

From being a pampered guest at my cousin's residence to being couped in a remote and desolated hotel and still further being absolute homeless and stranded till being rescued by a shrewd Sardarni and then given refuge by a teacher in her beautiful but under-renovation hence filthy home, one thing is certain, my first three days were seldom devoid of action and adventure.

Transitions are inevitable but why? Is inertia really so monotonous? I was never very good at physics then why is my opening sentence so obsessed with physics? My mind is so full of queries lately. what am i doing here? why am i not home? do i really have to work? will i be a competent employee? Are these thoughts common to all fresh graduates(in my case post - graduates)?

My life suddenly seems so defined. Work - sleep - work - sleep - work - sleep.

I sit here in my workstation knowing that my family is missing me while enjoying the pre-Diwali perks, wondering what it is that i really regret? Quantifying home sickness is so not possible. Also making this blog cheerful seems gargantuan still will try.

One reason for not quitting it all, nice guys around. i am desperately trying to think of another reason. Earning a living suddenly isn't a matter of pride any more, rather be daddy's darling than Ms.Independent.

All in all i shall survive.