Hungover..

First working day after Christmas... not quite the morning I expected. For one, blogging at 10 AM seems hardly a feasibility for a working professional. ........ "Working professional" .. is there such a term at all? I scored 13 of 30 in an English aptitude test.. was quite a blow to my ego..Now I suppose it was justified...

What else is justified? Every thing that makes me reasonably happy, what ever the cost be! I quit my first job in 9 months... Justification - It was in a remote town & I wanted Mumbai. Quit my 2nd job.. an amazing one really.. in 4 months..Justification - money ..... is what I keep telling myself.. Though, i feel I am faking..

I am to start afresh in a new organization to - Night!!....First time ever, the nocturnal feel....being up late nights.. partying is now more of a habit...How will it be for working, I have yet to witness. If things don't work, I'll quit.

Working professional!!

Adios ...ma love...

Relationships are complicated. Human beings perhaps are the only species who defy logic completely. Mutiny against reason being the hallmark of our character.

Are we good? Are we bad? Does evil afflict us and do we like saints? Do we really love? When don't we hate? Whom do we accept?

Questions all of which are now all so insipid... for you are going away. Conversations which were so intense.. issues so real...even if they were materializing in some other corner of the globe.. we lived it here..at home..staying up nights..

Believing ourselves to be intellectuals... and knowing ourselves to be idiots..the madness personified in our pointless jokes..The passion for laughing at absurdities and crying over eventualities..

In essence.. I will miss you forever....miss every glass of wine cheered..(and the bottles which we broke)...the strawberry milk-shake from McDs...Choclate mousse with excess whipped cream...garlic breads wid cheese...and the fried fishes...Miss being the only two staying up while the rest dozed...seeing some pointless flick...Miss being so-called practical bitches...miss bitching....miss your bony fingers...Miss you...love u...

What brought us together..I cannot recall...It was a dance throughout...live music coursing through our mind alike..we rose and fell...fell really hard....hurt ourselves bad...crashed crazy....and rose yet again....

Indefinite pardons which you have bestowed upon my brute behavior only fortified my resolve to be more animalistic...to abstain pretence and plasticity..both of which has been my abhorrence since I know not when...

Your acceptance kept me going..Girl...I owe you my true self...

Giving up your home...you name...your friends...for a new home...new name and new friends...for this I salute your strength... and promise you our strength...and efforts whenever needed...if ever needed...The treasure trove of amazing snap-shots (most of which you managed despite my impatience and sheer frustation) will keep us united in the frame atleast.

I hope and pray their shall be more destinations we explore in unison and have more maddening nights and find each other to vent out when almost everything else is fake.

To your babies...be a proud mother...to us...you are a deservingly proud friend..

Love is insufficient to describe..what we feel for you...God bless!!....

P.S. Somethings change....Somethings don't....We will change...our bond won't....

-- 

What's in my mind!

There are no wrong answers..only different opinions...such a cliché!


Religion is not an opinion...never an option as it's our first obligation..it's what you want over what I want...in this case...the "you" is referred to the stronger (hence the weaker) of the two who is responsible for our existence...


Those privileged few who mature enough to realize that there is as much difference in education and qualification as there is between land and water...see the difference between religion (What man says about god) and spiritualism (which is God! or in other words faith or in other words...human brain's most cunning and effective chain of thoughts ).


Religion is limited to region..has a specific ritual....code of conducts....doctrines ingrained in stone..which plebeian sect happily follow to be happy..to be in heaven...to avow their sins and seek redemption..


Religion is the product of some of the smartest brains on earth...I don't think the pioneers themselves realized how smart they were or are..Most effective crowd controlling measure...perfect line of defense..of imposing order...


Talk of the after life..picture the heaven and hell....and the meager minds swallow it all in...you can't seriously have the cops controlling 6 billion people!!! Think about it..most don't opt to murder bosses or wife's lover for the fear of prison but that of hell...Charity happens not for memorials and tax savings but again for heaven....Inventing religion was one heck of a smart move....served purpose for centuries and generations...for the goods as well as the bads...mold it...weave it...use and abuse it as you want...be it vatican or Al-qaeda or the Hindu poilical fanatics....all have enjoyed toying with this notion....


But again...some humans were cheeky and evaded the noose of religion by inventing spiritualism....that's being governed by one's own mind than by other's...Being governed by one's own mind is more like free reign of one's own ego....which usually deems other's as inferior...and hence obvious rejection of an imposition like religion....


Spiritualism is a finer measure of crowd control...It give the egotist, the sense of independence and still ensures the perfect running of the system...no glitch here....for an egotist wants to believe in self righteousness and is less susceptible to be vulnerable of social vandalism and seeks favorable critique....The spiritualists unite all gods and beliefs into a single power,the faith in one! Just faith, just a belief which is undivided and unbiased.


Spiritualism unites a larger segment of humans and all religious people are spiritual...however the converse can hardly be valid. So, is not the mind weaving a cocoon of comfort around the conscience perpetually? Or shall we call it the matrix which is designed not by any android but by us! 


Its easy to believe that some deity, some artifact or some mythical power is looking after us, caring and shielding us, will bring us good fortune. Simplest antidote of misery! Antidote concocted not by spirits or extracted of divine objects, it is the power of a very human mind!


To assume general civility as the only outcome of religion and spiritualism will be fatal as these two virtues have often been the seed of most brutal evils. Fanatics weave the mind's control is most conniving schemes thereby convincing self of immature beliefs. Point of consideration is again the mind!


Another simile can be drawn here for those who believe themselves to be agnostics or atheists. Former confused over divinity and the latter contradicts it. Fair enough for the mind designs them differently. Mind juxtaposes the entity of divinity (usually reserved for the more plebeian )with an overtly generous assertions of self confidence and a boisterous ego. For these, either god is an uncertainty or a bogus entity. Its their own judgement, their own sense of realism or in other words, their own mind!!


Truly united and liberated shall we be when we have a temple, a mosque, a church and a gallery of the intellectuals worshiping, hailing, endeavoring to fathom the intricacies of the MIND!

In love,,,

With my feet! and more....

Feet often goes unnoticed, always taken for granted, feet have feelings too..you know! And i reciprocate their emotion....mine are kinda tiny... cutesie..cudly feet....and i just realized how much i adore them....but i am not writing about reflexology or podiatry...

As of now....i am 24 years and 2 day old (ahem!)...last week has been a blur of events...my girl...driving...and more than that....smiling....laughing......crying....whole again...i feel....to be a part of her very life....for however brief a moment....its where i belong....where i am secured....without fear of trespassing......Should i also note...my own driving skill seems to have sustained the abstinence pretty well..

Birthday came and went....what stayed back?

Walking almost 4 km....on a cloud leaden...nigh midnight.....side by side a man...nah! a boy....still and forever.....a friend.....thoughtless...clueless..just walking......waiting for the showers to drench us...and then cursing the obvious....and laughing.....realized what stayed back....years stayed back...and with it... all the memories....and the essence of togetherness..... friendship....its here....its not growing old....its not withering....its not fading....

Its alright when we don't meet for days...and in my case...months...didn't matter.....nothing changed....Don't mind more birthdays....won't regret another passing year....just want my walking shoes next year same time...and hope to remember....shouldn't wear my favorite beads....and especially not as an anklet....

I love ma feet....and.....

Time...

Floyd's....this note is not about music though....just that this track began right while i was contemplating a title for what i am about to pen (rather post) next.... Pasting the lyrics may well accomplish my intent for this blog...but plagiarism is already conflicting with my satisfaction over the start!

So here i am....in void....into the unseen oblivion...I finally did QUIT...always knowing that only the under-privileged or incompetant fear unemployment...

My boisterous ego tells me i am neither....but i may well miss the starting gun...unless told when to run...

If quitting without an offer in hand seems foolhardy, exercising an immediate vacation on yaari..dosti and full on udhari...must seem very much "Debashree"...

Seeking pebbles in the singing brooks arising in himalayas...when i should be seeking a job...Past ten days have all been about wants and needs and haves and have nots...retrospection and speculation....and trying to escape the chaos ....reach the blissful barren base of Leh....

The last was however defying gods good will...We were not supposed to go beyond the line of vegetation....it was so obvious a dictate...the signs....

-Delhi bandh, the day we reached....circuit house not booked...cloths soaked....incessant rains in manali....land slides in spitti.....changed plans still....keylong and sarchu perhaps....but..Rambo's(our pre-booked vehicle) no. switched off...again hired scorpio......car window jammed.... the one dry day we get to leave for rohtang....stuck for 14 hrs just 1 km away from the pass...

We never reached our destination....never saw the arid landscapes....or the monasteries...never played in the snow...True, didn't do a thing as planned..And I was genuinely happy....despite all the mishaps....

The insipidity of norms revealed....the need to adhere to a set of ground rules fictioned...some say... happiness is a state of mind....I say... having a liberal.. unshackled ..mind..... is happiness!

Finding  my way back home being away from home......being my true self.....realizing the arrogance of my isolation...those long walks in the snaking valley side by side a friend...without needing speech...the silence of the attachment we have...overwhelmed...humbled....

Unknowingly...unwittingly....but deliberately...ensconced in a world of my own....away from all my known...my desperation for independence blinded me...for better or worse?...still confounded!!

Independence cannot be the act of physical seclusion...I now know....It must be the mind then....to be confined within all my obligations and still fly high...to acquiesce all ...and be happy.....

Rather pretend to be happy....there...i am a rat in the race....a mask instead of a face.....

PS. should always listen to the wise old monk.....

Super-cali-fragilistic-expialidocious.......

Or not.

When life does wonders...is my most beloved album. These photos bring back the memories which I still believe to be figments of my imagination. Now four months into my new solitary independent life in indore..far far away from my home.... .mumbai, things seem different.

I wish to understand love for it seems to be one of the most complicated emotions I have ever encountered. I think it all began with me being tired of seeing all my best friends taken one after the other.

No one is in state of absolute satisfaction yet they all pretend to have great fun. I very much doubt if there can be any one who would actually qualify to be over my family and friends! Being independent is something I have always cherished. But no one ever told me, that independence brings along with it too many unwanted guests. Foremost among them, compromise. Wish I could phrase my inner conundrum more efficiently.

I had been warned that my decision to re-locate will lead me to absolute emotional wreckage. I defied, trusted my bravado, and now I guess I am failing. Not attending family gatherings, betraying friends in their most cherished occasions, staying alone, claiming blissful happiness, I am sick of the charade.

My options are wide open, all I have to do is QUIT.

And then sit at truly lovely home and be a part of all that i have missed so far, and again, be the best daughter, the sister, the friend.....and......... be.....just another daughter, another sister....another friend.....and someday.....another wife...and on and on....lost in the multitude of beings......blissful oblivion....

I came here to be just me.....god!! how difficult can it be.....

From the album: When life does wonders