MARRIED...to NH17

With these words I do thee wed....

NH 17, prefixing dear ..darling or any such mortal adjectives feels naive. You have become my essence. The very air I breath is a gift from your treasure trove. Richness is your slave. Brooks kiss your feet. Forests conceive your secrets and the sea breeze encores your laurels.

Vermilion dirt on my forehead adorned our  nuptial vows. Dancing in the winding lanes we courted night & day. Intense and aggressive was your embrace. My reciprocation juvenile. Unforeseen emotions triggered & I trespassed the confines of conventions held sacred since time began.

I know naught how we will end, for your admirers are myriad and my insignificance acute!

Today, reminiscing on all the love I ever felt, not one could I concur as selfless. Every once in a while we are overwhelmed with this strong sensation, fastening our pulse, distorting our focus.... propelling our wildest imaginations.... we call it love.

Well, this love we loath to share. We want to possess it. Flaunt it. We need this love to be praised & coveted & envied. We jail it in coffers of obligations and smother this love with restrictions. It's GIVE  else gone....

So, evident... what I feel for you is not even remotely close to the occasional nuances of  romance my heart has suffered.

I love you. Love to share you. Love to talk to all those who have been with you. Love to hear your tales of loving them. You are a blessing as is music, purpose unfulfilled unless shared. I am never going to be distressed with the fear of your going away. You remain immortalized in my  soul. Your feel etched in my skin. Your fidelity irrefutable. Your loyalty unimaginable. Your presence forever assured.

I am married to you... & to you alone will I be forever my true self.  You...my divinity...my blessing.... my companion.... be there in the world... as you are...welcoming all.... be home to the beautiful beings....their chirping & hoots enthralling your fellow companions....let the swaying leaves hum rhymes to your lovers... be wild & endless.... as you are....

With these words I do thee wed....

Kolkata... May 2011

Some 100 Kms from the mainland of Kolkata lies a patch of green I proudly claim to be mine.Visiting the greens in West Bengal have always been a mighty pleasure, but this time was special......Debipur... to me.....land of lost virtues...

I visited my farmland on the Sunday (Post all the wedding ceremonies for which I had originally been to Kolkata)

After the turmoil of dressing up daily... especially showering & tolerating jewelry...(had to be presentable for my best friend's marriage)....escape to this wonderland put my mind in sync with the wilderness I am home to...

Driving down in a vintage Ambassador ..... blur of trees side by side...realm distorted.... clouds calling....

Welcome to my land where the fields are pregnant & fruits are ripe... save the raw mangoes...delight of which I can hardly write....

Humbled I am by the reception of those whom I believed to be naive & envy their ignorance...covet their treasure ...simple living... clean air... devoid of malice .... absence of greed...

If  I were to need music superior than the the gentle breeze causing ripples in the ponds...quacks of ducks n clucks of hens .... bleating sheep... where should I go??

I did go... to Dakshineshwar...the chimes of the pious bells is as close one can get to the rhythm of rural Bengal...

Neha....

If there is any limit to love.. teach me now... for I am the cloud adrift... amassing myself near you... heavy & ready to pour....

Your wedding day is soon to dawn and the one feel that seldom leaves me is that... you shall be a lady... My girl ... my comrade in chaos often self created... the one person for whom i felt the need to dress neat...
my wardrobe auditor..... my chef aficionado......... I love you..

Who else is left to share my insanity...

Till now.. i really thought i had been there done that... but today is history!!!

What a tale to tell the grand children.... Today.. I feel accomplished.... if as nothing else... definitely... as a FRIEND!!!

Birth of a New Religion - FRIENDSHIP

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS  

1. Ditch at least a 1000 times.
   
2. Lend and never ask for a return.
   
   
3. Borrow and never bother returning.
   
   
4. Crib heartily and forever.
   
   
5. Be a patient ear to pointless  endless indefinite cribbing.
   
   
6. Make out .. base 3 (negotiable).
   
   
7. Shift+delete from mind & heart every unpleasant occurrence with a past stamp of more than 24 hours.
   
   
8.  Pretend to forget commandment 6 in the very next moment of its occurrence.
   
   
9. Use & abuse verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and fanatically.
   
   
10. Be unavailable for hours, days, months, years and then turn up and catch up on all of the above; no questions asked!!

P. S.  The sixth commandment is applicable only to friends of the preferred gender who are irresistibly cute & have wits... so guys.. plz stop callin.. :-D  

Idle days.. Idle thoughts...

29-03-2011
think.. drink .... laugh...&.. abuse like a man to know a man.. .& then know ... he is not worth knowing... I may love him... listen at times as well... but can never accept him....& still I shall be his...

25-03-2011
How tired I am of this unbearable distance between us..
How I long for those nocturnal contests...
Have you forgotten me.. or mindless of me...
Tell me..  I am not writing into an abyss...
Or that will become of my heart...

Virtual reality bites...

Virtual reality is a term that applies to computer-simulated environments that can simulate physical presence in places in the real world. This common place definition completely missed the psychological impact that is inherent of this technology.

Facebook... I was often told, is addictive.  I experienced it myself. August 2009 ...till date, every instance of my insignificant life is archived in this public forum. My mood swings, my work-life conundrums, my love life glitches, my travel tales, birthdays, death days....passions... ambitions ... the myriad photos.... along with the access to similar such memorabilia of my 246 friends!!!

246 friends!! That is a significant number. Yet, when the night is endless & insomnia is inevitable....I am left all by myself..surfing the endless albums, reading strange status messages, enjoying the YouTube uploads and contemplating on who is really that wanted friend ... the one person ..I can access unconditionally at ungodly hours... devoid of any discomfort. 
 
Appreciation for this virtual world dawns mightily when we are allowed to weasel our ways away from those idiots who also seem to be our friends.  The ability to disconnect.. stay invisible.. claim network error & so on... the indefinite means of escaping the unwanted friend is so welcome. With the evolution of science, human bonds have withered. We have reached a phase where technology provides the solution of avoiding our dear ones at will. True, connecting has also become easy. But, isn't this virtual connectivity a compromise? We not only avoid the unwanted beings... but are well established in distancing those minds which are so etched in our hearts. 

Work load always existed in all ages. Distance didn't. Friends and family shared the same realm. People met and spoke heart to heart. People found sense & love within their own society. Where is the joy of laughing if you do not see the fun reflected in the eyes of your beloved! How can you express grief in typed phrases? So these virtual friends .... how are they in any way.. comparable to real friends... ? Why are the real friends crossing over to being virtual friends...?  

Today... I realized that my entire social networking tenure was revolved ... not around my real life... but what I thought my life should be... I thought more about those 246 beings out there... displaying pics ...posts... hungry for their attention... likes/appreciations/invites.. flooded my ego and I kept running away from my true self....my real society. Profile deletion was my first step towards sanity. I feel so free. I loath it every bit. :-D

The fact that we are incognito makes it so easy in the virtual world. There is either a gross misrepresentation of who we really are... or a fearless acceptance & confession of our brute existence. 

Emergence of the internet has concaved the world boundaries. We now covet that which is so far and so unreachable. We love not real but virtual elements and that is where my madness piqued. Was I wrong to end this plasticity?? I have definitely stopped chasing this dream which has been my most beloved nightmare. A miracle...I am trying not to hope.

“Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Jilted...

Holika dahan ... setting evil ablaze. Such high aspirations... The auspicious pyre personifies our innermost ... acute sense of nihilism. In our merriment,  we just break things...burn things... resolutely destroy the otherwise serene ambiance.   

It was so much fun, breaking desks & benches on the last day of the school. Act of uber courage. Finally free from the anarchy of stereotypical pedagogy. How often have I laughed upon breaking glasses in parties, encoring   fist fights,  cheering cat fights... Ringing the calling bells at ungodly hours & running off... reveling at the sneak peeks of disgusted neighbors ... oh what fun it has been... growing up. 

As I see around, right from infancy... we have an inherent inclination of damaging everything around us. Toddlers don't let go of their toys as a matter of weak grip. It's a deliberate action of throwing things... banging it hard on the floor, ripping the elements apart. Is it not our basic instinct to keep fragile object off the infant reach?

Matured beings have made an art of demolition. The refine intricacies of explosives... the perfect murder of our environment... the intense ravaging of hearts...I witness and wonder... our annihilative mind.

The simple act of some goons smashing my car on the very joyous ....colorful occasion of holi... has been so insightful. The chill of vulnerability... hapless victimization .... and the need to fake courage. Toss away the matter as just material damage. Loathsome!!! The brevity of local cops was an extended assurance of how insipid it is to rationalize human behavior. "Kya saheb... itna nahi tension leneka... holi me hota hai..." It is indeed ... this  "hota hai.....chalta hai" ...attitude that keeps us sane.    

Now, a day later, I can't even find this act of vandalism, malicious. A trip to wonderland rather, all our childhood pranks relived. Such thrill it must have been to the perpetrators... At least their holi was well spent.

I fail to comprehend if my own emotion is that of forgiveness or resignation. Shouting at the top of my lungs and yet....all that the mirror reflects is a quaint smile. 

After so many words ... it only dawns... Damn! I loved that car.... always was the grouch when asked to steer  amidst traffic...  & still.... I so love my car...

Love... harbinger of misery....seductive mistress... lynches ruthlessly.... my heart aches... I am finally jilted :-D 

         

Viruses & me

Bangladesh Govt. decided to terminate the office term for Mohd. Yunus as he is 60 years of age. Why am I bothered? He is the man who felt, poor ought to be given loan on negative interest basis. If I lend them 100 and they repay 90, I shall forgo the 10.

This is how he ran Grameen and guess what.... the system worked. There is profit and peace and poor are getting few square meals a day with dignity. His  micro-credit system though adopted by many nations including India, has by no means made the world a better place. Precisely why only few people have heard of him despite winning the noble and why is he being thrown off his own revolutionary bank is no real mystery.

Wachowski brother's "Matrix" gives us an alternative to the generally accepted understanding of the human race .

"It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague..." - Agent Smith

I wish to be so ignorant as like every one around me. Just careless, reckless and downright negligent of the insufferably inhuman ambiance. I want to quit the corporate race and people tell me I am a fool. I prefer connubial solace and stay home with kids and there...I become unambitious leech prone to lethargy. Love brooks and hills and I am impractical. My destiny is within the confines of an urban apartment and I seek it everywhere else.

A man who feeds a nation is thrown off and all they think of doing is filing civil suits!! This is the world where I seek to thrive. I... as a human am already withered, I as a virulent strain am yet to ... well ... let's say persist.