I wrote more than a few words...which I hated...so made an attempt to delete these... but as like any mother... i feel the pain of losing a child... my own creation...so instead... i am creating a best of my own.. in my own opinion... and keeping the rest till date... here....
Tried to erase.... but love held me back......
1) So why "Fragranceexotic"...??
I have been attempting to write for quite some years now.... surprisingly.. today I got asked about my nom de plume ... Surprised because someone actually showed some interest. Feels really good...
I thought of convincing this admirer that Jasmine emanates from my very skin...Alas!! Sincerely lying is a trick I have yet to master.
Truth be told, I am brilliant when it comes to being an Idler. Tom Hodgekinson must offer me permanent designation in his work place. I live his philosophy. So as nature goes, bathing et cetera has seldom been a priority. Deodrants and perfumes seemingly waste of money ergo my body odour was hard to ignore during my late graduating years.... My growing up days went merrily with my friends loving me selflessly and thereby suffering happily... I smell exotic.. usual proclamation ... :-)
Fragrance Exotic... I so named my blog... starting with all that went on after my college years...
There goes... an honest confession...Love is true love only when it is enduringly selfless.
2) About me.. in all honesty..
I am sure I cannot handle this.
I am a messed up person. I live by my mistakes. Never regretted any. School and college were my best days. It taught me to lead and that flavor of leading is ingrained in me. I cannot be a mute follower any more. Corporate life disgusts me. I cannot make a living by lying. Incapable of pleasing people whom I disapprove of. I don't dislike people in general. Friendly to all, friends to very very few people. But, my good opinion, once lost is lost forever.
My work place was for a long time the one sphere where even leading is insufferable. The very environment, a plague. Never understood the logic of cut throat competition. I never understood financial constrains. Fancy clothing.. jewelery.. gadgets... I find them all mundane.. comfort is my bible word. When i need money I borrow, when I have money I splurge. Irresponsible, yet accountable.
Last few months have been disgusting.. Why am I even telling myself this.. perhaps I shall realize.. perhaps I wont... things seem ok now.. I quit being the boss and now am the low lying rookie..utterly penniless .. a liability.
I loved college... I joined it ... not for career... I cared a damn about being an engineer or an officer... wanted to just chill... but science had to be the choice... Bong ego was at stake. I worship my community and yes I am a racist...
Past 3 years have all been about escaping....escaping work, escaping family, escaping friends and most certainly, escaping love and marriage....
I agree... I need someone by my side too...but...
It's not the one who is pretty...nor wise one either. Not the one who makes me laugh or takes me places. Definitely not the person who promises my liberty or assures my dreams. Cannot be the one who finds himself an authority to judge me, can't be my boss. Not the one who allows me to be the boss.
Is there a witness, just an observer who knows I can fail even though I try hard not to. Will allow me to cry and not tell me to stop. Won't preach. Won't tell me 'I told you so'.
Is selflessness restricted to bloodline alone? Can caring for the sick really be a matter of choice?
I could have kept quiet... held my emotions... of how love affects me... could have schemed .... tried to play it cool... hoping... devising means to play people.... but... I don't deserve schemes.... it is beneath me to beguile myself....
I am perhaps loved ... surely I hurt people... It is too immense for me to contemplate living with some one for years and really be glad about it. I haven't been able to feel the same for my own people. Some days are great.. some gruesome.... It seems.... this is life... sacrifice and compromise.. and be glad for the days you get to laugh because.. it's a privilege to be happy... not a right....I disagree..
I am happy... shall be happy.. solitude is happy... so is freedom... As for love... the cynic in me says it's some insane idiot's pathetic sense of humor. The truth is... I need to find that observer... to whom I can be honest.. more so than to myself... who can see me ... see through my lies.. my smiles.. allow me to just be the child I so long to be..
I will go back to school soon .. for sure... be an academic... study whatever I want.... Study history, politics, psychology, social studies and even math...why the damn do I hate math..? I won't study to earn ... I don't like earning and yet I need to spend... there again.. a liability...me.
I need to break free ...need to stop pretending... to be all ok...atleast to someone...
As the world unites... and we all strive to be global citizens...humanity is enduring as one nation..
As an Indian, I am a witness to language being perpetually under severe assault... English fused with Hindi.. Marathi... Gujrati... so on & so forth... all in the name of convenience...
Then again... there is the city of Kolkata.. ..where people pride their puritan speech..
We look down on those who foil the pronunciation... who mingle the dialects.... who fail to quote the laureates....we boast of communism and gloat on intellectualism... we eat & drink & dress to embarrass...
Incapable of being politically correct... speak outrageously direct... we laugh loud... we live on the cloud... we are the Bongs..
This is my space ... my philosophy... my righteous indignation....my sense of melody... my Art of Moral Vacillation...
Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.
So I heard it say... Love is here to stay how is it then that war happens murder pacifies suicide nurtures robbery gratifies who loves.. Is it the child.. Who is a child.. an ignorant being A reckless soul.. A demanding attention seeking helpless lore We have to pamper Bear the misdemeanour We have to be patient Wait till the child is senescent An Adult.. Still Ignorant Still Reckless Still demanding ..attention seeking Waring.. murdering.. robbing.. Hurting beloved ones.. An Adult.. We love .. so we pamper.. we are patient... So I heard it say... Love is here to stay... Yet again I ask... Who loves? Should I ask.. what is love...?
Assuming an unborn child is closest to God. .. really believing there is a god. Add to that the hope that children can debate with god ... and I can already see my mind sinking into an abyss of hopelessness...
While in the womb, if we do have any consciousness and or soul as is widely believed in theology... what would we ask of God? Wrong question again, What would God ask of us.. mortals...
GOD : "Have you read the "Terms and Conditions" of Being Born carefully ??"
If only we hadn't been so acutely lathargic so as to blindly right check the box in the form and proceed towards ejection, there could be some sense in what we do ... or to put it as expected.. how we live.
Terms & Conditions : Investments are subject to morality risk Please read the offer document carefully.
A - Following is restricted only for human being born (here after referred to as you/your) and are within the age of 5 and below :
1 Concerns regarding food. beverages, medication, physical training activities are outsourced & are strictly under the supervision of the third party (here after referred to as Parents).
1.1 If you don't like to do what you are expected (eat, drink etc), you can only cry, wail, shriek about it. It may or may not be useful...
1.2 You can defaecate or urinate as you feel. Responsibility of your hygiene is again with the third party (parents). You can throw tantrums (cry, wail, shriek) or speak and convey your situation.
2 The creator of your life (here after referred to as God) is not responsible for the performance of the third party to check if you are being beaten or pampered when you throw your tantrums.Hence you are warned already, further inquiries in this regard will not be entertained.
2.1 Despite the warning if repeated complaints are piled at the Processing Center (Heaven), the investments made during the tenure of contract (here after referred to as Life) will be passed over to probation center (Hell).
2.2 Your future endeavors may suffer. Success may be elusive. So don't bother God. Bother Parents.
2.3 God will not be accountable for the procedures of recovery in hell and cannot be liable for any actions thereafter.
3 You are exempted from any monetary penalization upon willful damage / destruction of objects including walls, cloths, crockery, toys (unlimited category).
3.1 Parents are liable for the expense of the damage.
3.2 Parents have the authority to determine the severity of your actions and can therefore do as they please with you.
3.3 Some countries have government officials who can check the actions of parents and deem them fit or unfit. If unfit, you may or may not be given to an alternative parenting department.
3.4 God is exempted from looking into the affairs of the third party (Refer 2), therefore seeking intervention of Govt. officials, their actions and the consequences on your Life is not within the jurisdiction of God. Advised to read 2.1 & 2.2 for more details.
B - Following is restricted only for human being born (here after referred to as you/your) and are in the age range of 5 and above :
4 Once age of 5 is crossed, your scale of investment towards heaven would solely be determined by your ability to appease the third party (Parents).
4.1 Parents disappointed with respect to your academics, social behavior, physical features,strength & ability,choice of occupation, sexual preferences, spouse, choice of your residency, how you wish to bring up your children, habits, dreams, ambitions, possessions and or anything which you believe is yours alone is a bad venture which will surely be settled in Hell.
4.2 Absolute compliance towards parent's whims & fancies is a mandate if after life security is sought in Heaven. Refer 2 & 3 for more details.
4.3 Your age, achievements, maturity, wants, needs so on and so forth is irrelevant as long as the third party (Parents) assigned for your tenure of contract (Life) is still valid and capable of breathing. You shall always be the child till the parent is alive.
5 You can argue, debate or disown the third party.
5.1 This might accelerate your life towards perdition. Refer to 4.
5.2 There can be some lag time in which you can choose to separate and later reconcile with the Parents. In which case, there may be some leniency towards clause 4. This is strictly subjective and will be settled on a case wise analysis.
6. If and when you become eligible toward employment with god (Be Parents), all of the above clauses are still applicable. Refer 4.1
7. If you are unsuccessful in life, be it academics, job, spouse, wealth, health basically in anything.. it could be due to your failure of adherence towards the warning in Clause 2. Therefore, clause 4 and 5 can help overcoming the issues. All in all, it is all your actions which will yield the results. Don't bother God.
8. Actions like charity towards the needy, donations towards shrines, rituals and ceremonies are directly productive towards making Your Parents happy first and then the rest of the parents across the world. So do not be misled that it has go to do anything directly with God. Refer 4.
9. Sacrifice and Compromise are the only two holy words needed to reach heaven.
10. Hell is not such a bad place. It is only ill interpreted. Here is the divine interpretation :
Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them." -- Oscar Wilde
Just recently, myself... a cosy urban
Indian, felt besieged by yet another series of "Breaking News"
.... multitude of riots and mass murders ...overwhelming sights of
humanity being ravaged in relief camps... Indians v/s Bangladeshis,
North East woes, Maharashtra v/s UP – Bihar... Coal Scams .... 2G
scams.. BJP – Congress... Anna Camp ...
Sitting at home .. watching the world
go by in a blur in the confined television screen... all I could
really think of doing was changing the channels to find some
sanity...The Chalta Hai..Hota Hai.. attitude is what truly defines
the Aamchi Mumbai spirit... 7 years ago, Mumbai was flooded and it's
still a date to reckon with..... 26/7. This piece of news garnered
the highest TRPs as we saw double deck buses flooded and scores of
people sinking and swimming across the roads...amidst sewage water..
I was home... wondering what it must be like... thanking god for not
being stranded on the streets... feeling bad for others and also
there was the devil's joy of being only a mere recipient of ill fated
news where all you need to do is show some empathy even if you don't
really feel it.
It becomes a mutual cord of
anti-incumbency ... point of discussion and debate... especially on
national television.
I had the privilege of witnessing this
first hand on Monday (Sept 3, 2012) as the city found itself in
similar deluge. Flooded Roads. Traffic Massacre and people as usual
.... CHILLED OUT!!!...
Started from Marol ...got onto a bus at
6 pm ish... Took almost an hour to just travel 4 km and then jammed
in the traffic for another hour... got down, hitched a bike ride from
an absolute stranger ... winding through the murky flooding lanes of
Jari Mari Road...towards Kurla... Bike too reached a point of
standstill and after that it was on foot for over 2 hours that I
witnessed the carnival.
Water levels waist deep, open shops
with floating packets of chips and what not... small kids trying to
bucket out the water tirelessly and pointlessly from their homes..
women and children all huddled. Saw an old man sitting over a table
top... smiling and chatting... the tranquility on his face! for them
its just another day... a typical monsoon Mumbai day....
For all those worriers of Hindu Muslim
divide.... this was a sight to relish... for hundreds of Muslims were
out on the streets (That area being predominantly of Islamic
demography) ... guiding the stranded pedestrians through potholes and
open man holes and construction sites ... shortest routes... serving
potable water....biscuits etc... all while it's pouring...
While I saw this.. all that came to my
mind is... why are these people even out? Shouldn't they be in their
homes.. they have the very option, the very choice to do so. They
don't really need to suffer the assault on their senses unlike the
other commuters. I would have slept in the cushion of my home for all
I know. Selfless and undying efforts from young boys and elders alike
for so many hours. How did it matter who's worships whom!
Mumbai... it has never stopped living
.... I did learn more in that one day than in my whole
insignificant life .... the fact that my body can endure so much...
the obviousness of ignoring all that's unnecessary like ... walking
through sewage water which contains the entire city's defecated
matter.... the ability to trust blindly....to walk with strangers
hand in hand...to respect people of all sect and admit their bravery
and skillsets.. that those who have almost nothing can still oblige
you so much....
If anything, I hope my rendezvous with
the city at its most demanding hour has made me a more acceptable
human being... and more believing ... a person whose faith is
restored....
It starts for everyone presumable after college. People usually know what they want from life. They intend to work towards their aspirations. They take up jobs and really commit themselves to what we call these days as a CAREER.
So here is what happened to me after college. I finished learning all about genes and diseases and research techniques using sophisticated laboratory gadgets only to realize my perfect capacity of ignoring all that is sad and depressing in this world and live happily ever after. When I look back at why I chose biotechnology, it could be coz' A) It sounded a lot more cool than B.E. or B.Sc which was too plebeian for my taste. or B) I was more phobic of mathematics than I care to admit to the world in general or c) I was really clueless of what to do and having my college just 15 minutes from home seemed awesome. Always being the pampered child, bourgeoisie sub urban modes of transportation viz. buses & Trains seemed classless.
So there I was driving my own car or car-pooling with cute rich kids... believing in their dreams... living life king size.... College was brilliant.. no regrets on that front for sure.
As for the subject I chose, all I can say is it made me more conscious of my health and still awes me as I realize the potential of life. Life-sciences is by far a highly mysterious realm most of which will feel magical. Switch on to any of the..Animal Planet / Discovery channels .. I have new found respect for my Full HD Samsung LED and my science teachers.. :-)
When all seems nice and easy.. I feel frustrated. . When I am happiest, it gets excruciatingly boring. This is the gist of my past two and half years of service in the corporate world. I somehow ended in Software Industry which paid me so high, it became a matter of acute ego for me. So it is only befitting that I am in a job which intends to pay me less than one fifth of my last drawn Salary.
My dost log still cheer me... ADVERTISING!! It seems... I made it to the the MAD AD WORLD...honestly.. I don't think it's a deal to get a job anywhere if you agree to work for peanuts. So ergo, my Day 2 in office as of now.
I now take a train starting from Vashi to Kurla (20 mins) and a LADIES SPECIAL DOUBLE DECK BUS !! from Kurla to Marol (35 mins) and then walk again (10 mins) to reach my desk. En route, there are places named Bail Bazaar (Cattle Market) & Jari Mari Road which is an interesting patch. This part is directly adjacent to the run-way of the Mumbai airport thereby giving a nice view of flights taking off when seated on the upper deck of the bus.
Now being a non AC common man's transport, most people only dream to be on those flights so it does become a moment of euphoria when we traverse that patch. Given the fact that Mumbai has only one airport, there is always a flight taking off (I saw 2 already in my 2 rides).. Such a simple moment of joy.. so easily captured in so many eyes. I love this city. It always smiles...
26 years ..what have I got to boast about.. let's see.. I have been a "Best student" in school, an acceptable college "General Secretary", something of a genetic researcher for a while, a branded software firm's senior employee with couple of performance awards.. and ..since all of this has not been enough for my narcissistic (why else would I list all of it here..) mind... now I am supposedly an Advertising & Media Intern ...
Question is.. for how long .. and then what??
Chronic Dissatisfaction... picked this term from a Woody Allen flick.. loved it ever since .. use it ever so often... for that's just the perfect two words defining me...
P.S. There is the whole new chapter about Love, Men & ...
There are people in your life who inspire art... you blow them up into mythical characters and you give them all this magical qualities...they seem like stepping stones for something bigger and better .......... but when u sincerely need them.. want them... dawn breaks and you are blinded by the naivety of this very hope....
we are all alone in our achievements as we are all alone in our failures.. companionship is just a social cinema which we enact for the superficial sense of well being...
The horizon sets a limit on the unaided reach of our eyes across the
surface of the earth, in the same way that the reach of an arm or a
stride sets a limit on the physical body's reach into space
Pristine..The rock climbing,
off-roading, adventure zealots from the west did a very good job
acknowledging Ladakhi tourism.
However, never has this region hosted such a surge of
local admirers as it does today. Credit goes to the big boys in
Bollywood followed by the South Indian movie legends. Hollywood too has
its flag pitched. But the question to ask is ...ever heard of
LEHLIWOOD??
Reading this bit gives an amazing insight into the lives of the people who inhabit this impossible terrain.. Hence, interrupting the fabulous snapshots with these footnotes...
Ladakh has monks for script writers, taxi
& truck drivers as producers, trek guides & polaroid
owners for actors & directors. These wondrous people still hold
on to their old jobs & havn't got bouncers shooing off their
fans. In last 6 years, almost 28 plus movies have been released in their
local dialect. Hindi is as alien to the Ladakhis as English is to rural
India.
Given the lack of amenities & the hardships of rural existence in a cold desert where temperature seldom reach double digit figure, making cinema at an altitude of 12,000 feet deserves all the compliments bestowed in the 2009 short film "Out of Thin Air". Achievements of Lehliwood can be parsed from the vibrant posters pasted all across the city walls of Leh.
We travel to experience the unknown, to witness the unbelievable & to indulge in the inexplicable pleasure of the world around us. The apple cheeked society of Ladakh is alive with wit, humor, humility & kindness which will rekindle the hope of simple living. In terms of amenities, Ladakh is surprisingly advanced, especially Leh with its buzzing cyber cafés & German bakeries. Mountaineering, harsh camping experts & well informed guides cater myriad tourist whims. Presence of surplus military cantonments & medical aid camps is comforting.
Monasteries are affluent with splendid art works and scriptures of Buddhism. These sanctuaries are excellent for those who seek to meditate & dwell upon ancient Tibetan civilization & philosophies.
The enduring creativity of the Ladakhi people is inspired by the intriguing landscape which I won't attempt to describe in my amateurish script. The township of Drass & Kargil, Nubra & Zanskar Valleys, the distant villages of Turtuk & hot water springs in Panamik, Pangong & Tsomoriri Lake and many more destinations, the very roads to reach these destinations, leave the observer is a state of perpetual ecstasy.
Suffice to say that Innocence of the virgin land overwhelms the materialistic urban minds.
